Mommy Guilt

Missed me? I’ve missed you guys. I’ve been running on E for a few weeks so please bear with me. I’ve been wanting to write about this for a while, have you exclusively pumped or latched? Which did you prefer? Each have their pros and cons and, of course, I’ve done both and I definitely have some opinions.

I breastfed my first son until I delivered my second son. The only time I pumped when I was at work. I thought I knew exhaustion… we will get to that later. Anyway, my overall breast feeding journey was pleasant and I have very fond memories.

Breastfeeding via latching

Pros

1. Bonding with your baby

The connection formed between you and your baby is indescribable. I remember those moments right before they fall asleep and your eyes lock together as the lock of hair or piece of flesh that they were gently twiddling with slowly slips from their hand. Heavenly!

2. Affordable

Have you seen the prices of formula? Moving on….

3. Easy Access

I became that person that pulled the boob anywhere! Train, grocery store, car, movie theater, whatever. Everyone eats, right? I never had to worry about warming a bottle or carrying a bunch of items with me. Even those overnight feeds were enjoyable. No lights, walking into the kitchen, mixing anything. I literally always had it on me.

Cons

1. Clogged Ducts that could lead to Mastitis

When I returned back to work I wasn’t able to empty my breasts fully or as frequently as I did at home. The delays caused me to experience a clogged duct. And if you haven’t realized yet, I google everything, so I knew this could lead to mastitis. I was in pain and stressed out.

2. Unable to gauge how much you’re producing

Short of the baby’s doctor appointments that tell you how much weight they’re gaining, you have no idea if you’re producing enough, especially when baby is cluster feeding. When I did pump, I thought I wasn’t getting enough. In these times of social media, you see how much those with oversupply are able to pump, you feed like you’re surely not making much.

3. Weaning

When it’s time to wean… I felt terrible mommy guilt. Even moths after I stopped breastfeeding my first son, he would remind me of how much he loved boobie! It was his support blanket and I took it away from him.

Exclusively Pumping

Pros

1. Anyone can feed baby

This fact made meal time a whole lot easier. I was able to pump and have the freedom to do something else while my support person fed the baby.

2. Quanitify your hard work

I loved that I could see how much baby was eating. I also liked that I could tell if I did t drink enough water. I was filling a 36 oz pitchers by week 4! I had a really good guide for how much baby was consuming.

3. Avoided clogged ducts

My body was so used to the pump that I was able the get out more milk in less time. I was fully emptying my breast so I didn’t experience a clogged duct this go round.

Cons

1. My baby only took the bottle

If I was out longer than I anticipated and he drank all the milk I prepared, I better get on that pump! He gagged every time I tried to breastfeed. How rude?!

2. I became obsessed with how much I pumped daily

I kept a log on my notes in my phone…. Time I pumped and how much I expressed. At the end of the day, I calculated. The stress that overwhelmed me when I fell short, my goodness!

3. I became one with the clock!

I pumped every 3 hours for 6 months then every 4 hours for the rest. I pumped for 30 minutes each session. I barely slept because between waking with baby and waking to pump and working overnight…. I still haven’t recuperated. I was tethered to the pump most of the time and my breast became tender every time we got closer to that alarm. I was burned out!

I tried to keep this as concise as possible, But I enjoyed latching more. Pumping became a chore that I dreaded. I truly disliked it and counted down the days until I stopped. I wish I could’ve done a mix like I did previously.

Would you do it again?