Gentle Coparenting ?

Is it a thing? Obviously there are different types of coparenting. Most would not think of sharing responsibility of a child with someone you are no longer with as “gentle.” Most coparenting relationships are contentious, to say the least. I’ve found that there are different types of coparenting, from conflicted to cooperative.

Cooperative vs conflicted coparenting

Cooperative coparenting is the ideal situation because you get to display the qualities like patience, consideration, and collaboration. Your children have a front row seat on how you handle conflict resolution. It is crucial to remember to shield the children from having to choose sides.

Separation often leaves the children feeling rejected, inadequate, anxious, even guilty. It is imperative that you instill core values in them and consistently promote resilience and positivity in spite of unforeseen occurrences.

As a child of divorce, it increased my chances of divorcing in the future. Understanding the correlation, it’s important that I create a welcoming environment that allows my children to feel safe speaking to me about anything. This open line of communication helps them develop healthy attachment styles instead of anxious and avoidant ones.

Conflicted coparenting is probably what most us experience, unfortunately. Examples of conflicted co parenting are arguing in front of the children, badmouthing the other parent creating an environment where the children feel like they have to choose sides, using the children as pawns to control the other parent, and the list goes on. No good can come from this co parenting style. These are the things that require therapy later.

My ex and I don’t agree on anything, but it I my goal to co parent successfully. Both parents are needed to make the child feel supported. It is my hope that we all can find the following:

Clear boundaries concerning communication. Are we using respectful language, tone, and volume when having difficult conversations?
Protocols for emergencies in place
Preferred mode of communication
Reserved communication concerning children only (no hashing out the past)

Even after the relationship is over, the co parenting relationship is just beginning. Being respectful of the boundaries put in place, speaking to each other positively, and allowing for mistakes as this is a new arrangement, will allow for a gentler approach to the once contentious co parenting style.

I wish all those reading this success in your attempts at gentle coparenting. Until next time.